state of affairs

I don't even know what to write. I work to much. I've become mostly numb to emotions and life. I'm stressed.

Vacay booked for November, and new job starting in two weeks, but I'm not even excited. I'm too preoccupied with other things and stressed when it comes to money, life, etc. Losing our tenant at the end of the month so we'll be out money for a month, plus need to pay back damage deposit, and we have some upgrades to do before re-renting it, so more money. It'll all work out once we raise rent, but it is all a lot of expenses at one time.

Other than that I'm feeling just drained. I know hubby is too. I hate how we see each other less due to our schedules and it is affecting our relationship.

I am cutting back my second job hours in September. I agreed to continue for August, but cut back to two a week in September. Many nights I question why I am even working a second job, but financially we need it right now. I can only imagine the state we'd be in with recent expenditures if I wasn't bringing in extra money for the past 4 monthss

On top of all this we are trying to eat better/cleaner, and exercise. But with my already limited time it can be hard at times. When we are hungry and haven't prepared anything it is so easy to want to grab take out or restaurant food. And unfortunately, everything "bad"/not clean is cheap, and the things that are cleaner are expensive, which loops back to the financial stresses.

Messed up dreams last night too. Part of it was that the quilt my godmother made me when I was 2 or 3 got torn, and sewn back together poorly. My parents and brother had hidden it from me because they didn't want to tell me, but I found it and the top was missing, then found it sewn on really poorly. I was irate and devastated, but no one understood. My parents only got pissed off at me for being so upset and mad. I was crying, bawling, and screaming. Absolute devastation.

Coincidentally enough, anger is one of the few emotions I don't block out or become completely numb too. Now I may be numb for a while to why I am angry, but one of the few emotions I often sense,

From Thursday

So working closes is starting to affect my sleep pattern. which sucks. I was off last night and was reading until 3am without falling asleep - which usually happens when reading - then had trouble getting to sleep after then, even though I was tired. I have to work tonight, so I'm losing sleep again tonight regardless. I've thought about taking tomorrow off, but I don't really want to use one of my holidays, plus I probably need to be here for some reason. I am some glad I'm off from 2nd job until Tuesday after tonight.

In happier news, we have purchased our fire pit, and the yard is half dug out for it. It would be ready for it now, only it has rained all week. Hopefully we can finish it for a fire sometime this long weekend.

exhausted

I think I may be starting to burn out a little. I'm starting to hate going to my second job, especially the weekend shifts because I don't get a good break anymore. Maybe my schedule next month will be nicer with less Friday nights. Really didn't want to be there last night, but I was fine. However, people who don't want to do their damn jobs piss me off. Asking them to do something is like it is a chore, and not their job. Then taking longer on your break because you "had to poop", yet not even breaking back in when you come back. Then asking me if you can have a "quick" smoke break later, when you already too more than your alloted break time. I shouldn't be so nice to them.

tired

so so tired today. Worked late. So glad I am off until Monday. Almost called in to my day job today I was so tired. Hubby even said I looked ridiculously tired.

I miss the weekends of pure relaxation. Not worrying about needing to work, or be a certain place, etc. A friend of mine had pictures posted of her Father's Day with her family.  I miss that. Sure I get to spend some town out the bay with my families, but the time is cut short and overshadowed by knowing I need to work at a certain time.

My tiredness is not going to contribute well to my patience today... ugh

still waiting

Haven't been updating as much. Maybe I've been thinking less, or at least not focusing on things. Plus I'm busy, and still holding onto hope to get that new job. Haven't heard anything yet, and haven't received a rejection letter yet, so I'm still hoping. Looks like I'm not hearing anything today.

My work schedule for this month is pretty consistent. Almost always Monday, Friday, and Sunday closes.

Went home last weekend. Took Friday off from the day job to tidy up around the house, do laundry, etc. Then went out home that evening. Visited some family friends on the way out, then stayed at my parents. Helped mom all day Sunday, which was tiring but nice. Had some Robin's for a late lunch, and Chinese food for a late supper - which was soooo tasty. Really hit the spot. Sunday I got up, dropped of stuff to my in-laws(saw the kittys), had roast with my parents, then spent some time with my brother, his wife, and my nephew. Nephew  is some sweet. Melted my heart when he had his little arms right around me in a hug and was coming for kisses. What a sweetheart. Not sure if I am going out tomorrow or not. May go out to help mom again if she needs me, and see my nephew. If not, we'll go out next weekend when hubby also has Saturday off.

Working tonight. Should be a good shift. There are extra people scheduled so hopefully will have a good night, not be there too late, and have decent times as well.

Hubby is starting to build our fire pit between tonight and tomorrow. Can't wait to have fires with friends in our backyard. I'd have one by myself some night just to have an excuse to go outside. Even read by the fire. mmm =)

panic

Note to self: don't go through the center of the med school when convocation is on the go. I just had to pass through to bring a file to purchasing and nearly had a panic attack. Too many people together in a place that agitates my OCD. Especially when some lady comes out of the bathroom and touched my arm with her wet hands.

Can't wait to go home tomorrow.

tired day

So so so so so tired today. Was awake this morning sometime after 4am with a sick stomach. Got back in bed around 4:45am or so. I had enough trouble getting to sleep in the first place, so this was very uncool. Working again tonight so I'm going to be quite tired again tomorrow morning.

My interview on Thursday went well. I feel pretty good about it, so I'm hoping to hear something this week. *crossing fingers*

My plan all weekend kinda kept getting shuffled up, and noting really went as I had planned, but I still managed to see some friends for a little bit. Saturday night I wasn't quite myself. Sunday I worked until 7pm. We were super busy for lunch to mid afternoon, but overall good shift. After that I just came home, got cleaned up, and relaxed.

 I think I need to take a day off from my day job sometime soon. I'm exhausted today, and getting mentally exhausted with working so much. I just wanna go out the bay and see my parents, family, and nephew.