too much

I need to give up this two job bullshit. It's slowly destroying me. My hands are 10x worse after I work a shift, I haven't had a chance to read at night all week because I'm either doing other stuff catching up, already up too late, or worked late. I feel like I have no relaxation time. Every week I get one day off per week. I know it could be worse, I know there are people that work 2 or 3 jobs and never have days off, but it isn't really working for me. Throw two jobs on top of OCD, and anxiety, and some seriously unsettled things in my life, and it doesn't pan out well.

But I need to keep working the second job... or I should because we need that extra little financial help. Expenses seem to come from every direction, and there's always something.

I just want a break. I want to curl up in my old bedroom at my parents' house and not have to think or care about anything. To just feel safe and secure and worry free. I don't want to have to worry about money, or work, or having to work at such and such a time, or having to do this, that and the other. Some freedom from feeling rushed in every aspect of my life. Only so much time to do this, only free night this week, need to do laundry, have to work Sunday morning, etc, etc, etc, etc. All limitations.

I know things could be worse, but that still doesn't make them any better. It is still shitty. I'm still stressed, I still want a break, and I still envy any one that doesn't have to worry about as many things as I do. Now I'm thankful that I'm not someone who doesn't worry or be concerned, when they should, but I take everything to the next level and over-worry, over-stress, over-think.