I really don't know what to be writing here, nor who will eventually read it, but I think an outlet like this is good for me. I really need to start journal-ling again but I'm usually too busy, too lazy, or procrastinate from doing it. I'll run over things in my mind that I know I should write about, but I don't do it. Which completely loses the therapeutic effect of writing as it just stays bottled up in my mind. Sometimes I don't really know how I feel abut something, but words seem to manifest as I write.
I apologize if you are reading this and it doesn't really have a defined structure.
Things going on lately:
Started a Part Time job with McDonald's again. I am enjoying it so far. I missed working on the floor, so I enjoy interacting with people again. The store is small, which takes some adjusting, and tinkers with my OCD in ways, but I feel like I'm handling it well. I'm certainly going to enjoy the extra money on pay day to help increase out cash flow. Only potential thing I see going wrong from this, is me being super tired from working long days on the days I work during the week. I've only done 4 shifts so far and I'm already finding myself more tired in the nights and mornings, and harder to get up. I had made a good effort for a few days to get up earlier, with my first alarm - but after a combination of 4 long days last week plus early mornings, plus a long day and early morning on Sunday, I've gotten back to snoozing. Which is bad, as I end up being late for my day job.
Day job is alright. I don't really enjoy it. Not that there is anything wrong with the job or duties itself, it is just not something I enjoy and I feel like I am getting pigeonholed into a career path that I do not enjoy. I feel like the longer I'm doing what I'm doing, the harder it is going to be for me to get into a career that I want. I sincerely feel that fresh Business graduates, with no experience, look more employable than me with my majority of administrative experience. But who knows.
I don't really know what I want to be doing, but I know it is not this. I'm interested in pursuing sales - but getting a job is the problem. I've also considered going back to university to do Primary/Elementary education, but course offerings are not cooperating with me finishing the prerequisites in time to start next year. So even if I want to do it, it looks like I wouldn't be able to until Spring 2015. Which by then, I'd ideally not like to be going to school, as I would like to be more settled and having a family. But again, things usually don't go as planned.
In positive news, we are planning a trip to California for two weeks this winter. Holiday and visiting family. I am super excited. I hope to do some things that are outside my comfort zone on the trip. Go on a roller coaster for the first time, maybe skydive?, cliff jump? Due to my discontent with a lot of things going on now, I feel like doing things like that would give me some exhilaration and a feeling of freedom and pure in the "moment-ness" that I long for. I know I am my own worst enemy in terms of stress as I over think everything and am rarely able to fully live in the now as I am thinking about the past and future all at the same time.
My heart is a little heavy this week. My close friends will know why - I don't know if I'm ready to disclose that here. But injustices that have been dealt are weighing heavy on my heart and I'm not sure exactly what to do at this moment. What the next step to trying to change things should be.
This is much longer than anticipated.
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